Hi! Welcome to my blog; nice to meet you!
My name is Kerin and my heart belongs to Gary.
I am a proud mommy to three beautiful children and three beautiful (future) step-children.
Michael (13), Cheyenne (12), Mikayla (8), Caleb (6), Jacob (4), & Gracie (2).
I run an online business called Twinkle Baby Boutique
and an organization for bereaved parents called I Am A Mother To An Angel.
I have also had five miscarriages in total.
Our most recent loss and the furthest along I've been during a loss was on
February 8th, 2012 at around 10 weeks gestation and was also the hardest.
I ask God everyday, "Why me? Why my childern?",
but truthfully I know there is no reasoning behind it.
Miscarriage is something people don't think much of... until it happens to them.
Miscarriage can destroy relationships.
Recent study groups found that 22% of couples separated after pregnancy loss.
That number doubles if the loss occured before the couple was married.
That means Gary and I have a 44% chance of not making it.
Miscarriage is an emotional journey.
Whether your baby is 5 weeks gestation, 5 months old, or 5 year old,
it is still never easy losing a baby and miscarriage hurts just as much.
There are soo many unanswered questions.
What would my baby look like? His blue eyes or my green?
What would my baby have been like? Calm, hyper, dramatic, silly?
Why did God take my baby? We wanted our baby.
Why does God let people who don't want theirs keep them?
Why did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?
A suddenly empty womb is like a knife in the heart.
It's a void that is impossible to fill and it changes you. Forever.
Miscarriage is also very hard physically.
Our most recent loss of "Lil Lynch" was a horrifying experience.
I sat in the bathroom for three hours filling the toilet up with blood and "tissue" seven times,
losing so much energy and blood that my vision went away and I could barely function.
The pain was comparible to that of full term labor pains
and to make it worse they doctors will not give you anything for pain.
Miscarriage isn't just something that happens in a day and then it's done.
We were told on Feburary 8th I was miscarrying and as of two weeks later it hasn't ended.
I hope this blog helps someone out there who also has a hurting heart.
someone who has experienced pregnancy, infant, or child loss
so that they know that are not alone.
